Graham Cook“Today has been a more urgeful day, if I can create that word. I’ve been feeling the familiar creeping of urges. My package seems to tingle and ask for something. The same familiar phenomenon of perception is beginning to take hold. Women are looking better than normal. Every figure seems voluptuous in one way…

15 Men Ages 25 to 29 On What It’s Like To Quit Masturbating


Why did fifteen men give up masturbation?  Are they sex addicts trying to learn  self-control?  Did they just want to see how long they could go without?

It happens

Shutterstock / Litvintsev IhorAs an obese woman, I’m used to being the butt of jokes. “Nice ass!” I’ll hear walking down the street in my neighborhood, but when I turn around , I see a saucy teenager, surrounded by his guffawing friends, pointing to my posterior. In college, frat boys asked for my phone number…

Chubby Chasers Want Me For My 300-lb Body And I’m Flattered (But Also Outraged At The Same Time)


At my heaviest, I weighed 325 lbs.  Two and a half years of sobriety & exercise later, I now weigh 195 lbs, but at 5″1, I’m still not a skinny girl.  I’m botom-heavy (as in I have a big ass & flabby thighs) and having been a big girl my entire adult life, the men I attract have been the sort of men who like a big girl.  

You can be a submissive AND a feminist, both at the same time

Shutterstock / CRMI would passionately state that I am a feminist. From day one, my mother raised me and my three sisters to believe that women could not only do anything, but that we could do it better than boys (the COMPLETE opposite of this mom). She was pro-choice and discussed abortion at the dinner table. She…

I Want To Be Dominated In Bed, But That Doesn’t Make Me Less Of A Feminist


Just because you like to be spanked doesn’t make you less educated, less about your career, less of a fully functioning adult woman.  You can be dominated in the bedroom at home and then put on a power suit and go dominate in the boardroom.  

I’m right there with you

Little FockersI love my mom. Getting texts from her throughout the day? Having more of my friends follow her on Instagram than me? Not so much. I might not like the barrage of texts and the ever-present social media presence, but I’m not alone. If you have a tech savvy mom, you know the fear…

‘I love my mom … but not with her iPhone’


I got my father an iPhone for his birthday last June, which meant I had to get my mother one too (yup, I have to get HER a gift for his birthday).  She’s not into social media, thank God, and she can’t text.  But at least 4 times a day she FaceTime s me, thinking she’s making a regular phone call.  And she does so without meaning to call me at all 😫 .  To say the least, I’m sorry I got her the phone.

What the hell does it even mean to be an “indie” girl

Flickr / martinak15 
 You like Van Gogh? I like Van Gogh. Van Gogh is my thing. Gosh, you are so unoriginal. And you have “Louder than Bombs” on vinyl? Ugh, come on. The Smiths? Could you be more cliche? And oh my gosh, are you seriously wearing Clubmasters right now? Do you even need glasses? Really with the red lipstick? Just stop. More often than…

Why Indie Girls Aren’t Trying To Be Different


I guess it’s all relative.  I’m a Brooklyn-born Italian-American, so society (and by society I mean pop culture) expects me to be tanned a shade of day-glo orange, be clueless about current events, dress like a stripper, not know how to cook, have huge hair, wear too much jewelry, spend all day putting makeup on, and be in a fight with a guy named vinny.  And then go to the dance club at night.

But that’s not me.  I don’t tan, I wear the appropriate amount of jewelry & makeup.  My hair is of normal size.   I know current events.  I hate dance music and love a Finnish metal band no one else in brooklyn has heard of (apocalyptica), I’m into BDSM while most guys named vinny are very strait laced about sex.  

Apocalyptica’s I’m not jesus 


I had no idea Carey Taylor of Slipknot looked so good (this video is the first I’m seeing him without his Slipknot mask/makeup), and I love apocalyptica.  The social message of this song, with lines like “did you fast it all away/well it don’t mean shit to me” and the haunting imagery of the blonde girl with the paper dolls, is hard-hitting.  You don’t think of cellists as typical hard-rocking metal musicians, but these guys manage to be hard-rocking metal cellists.  And you don’t look to metal music for a social message, but this metal band is giving one, without compromising musianship, sound, or image.  These are real men who play real music.

The men who tell me about my fatness

Flickr / Bridget CoilaSome few instances in my life, I’ve come across a number of personalities — nerds, smart-ass guys, douches, and a combination of ‘em. And although I’ve become fond with most of them (or maybe ALL of them because you never have a choice when you’re in high school/when your hormones get the best of…

Never Date A Guy Who Would Call You Fat


Now that I’m 37 & sober and I know who I am, I’m not surprised when a man tells me I’m fat.  I am aware of how big my own body is, how much space I take up.  To the man who would call me fat & expect me to be around when nobody better wants to fuck him, I would say this, “well yeah, I’m fat.  Thanks for being so honest about it.  And since we’re being honest here, you have no hair/don’t make enough money/dress like a hobo/need to shave, your beard gets crumbs in it, and I’m glad we have the sort of relationship where we can always be honest.”. Then kiss him and move on with the day, leaving him to wonder who else thinks of him as bald/broke/a bad dresser/unkempt.

It doesn’t matter what the game is, gentlemen, I WILL play back (rather than run home & cry) and I play nasty.

I HATE this question too right now 

“What do you do?” There’s no question I’ve come to despise more when I first meet someone. It’s the adult version of “What college are you going to?” when you’re in high school and “What are you going to do now?” when you’re about to graduate college. I understand that these questions are often used…

The Question “What Do You Do For A Living?” Should Be Outlawed When You First Meet Someone


Well I’m unemployed.  I left work to have two eye surgeries last year, my employer, a solo practitioner attorney, replaced me while I was gone, & I haven’t found anything else yet.  So I don’t enjoy being asked what I do either right about now.  Or the follow up question, “well if you’re not working, what do you do all day?”

What I do is I write (short stories), I tumblr & WordPress, I pinterest.  I cook, I meditate, I attempt to remain sane.  

It’s just complicated 

Jenny Kristina Nilsson / Flickr.com.The first day of the summer after my freshman year of high school, I lost my virginity on my then-boyfriend’s bunk bed. When I go back and look at my diary entry from that day, it reads: Someday I will have to tell someone about how I lost my virginity, and…

When I Was 14, I Already Had A More Complicated Relationship With Sex Than Most Adults


You couldn’t tell anyone about how Alex (and I hope you used his real name, he deserves zero protection of anonymity) raped you, and for decades I couldn’t tell anyone my grandfather raped me.  The older I get (I’m 37 now), the more people I talk to, the more I realize what happened to me is less of an anomaly & the complicated relationship I continue to have with sex because of it is…well, it just is.