Who is this man & what does he do when he’s not busy wearing camouflage & shouldering a gigantic firearm? I ask because I have a crazy idea. He’s got a handsome face, great body athletic thighs, good pecs). And he’s serving his country, which is a manly thing to do. And ladies, it’s sexy when a man is manly, isn’t it. Think Marlon Brando as Stanley kowalski in Streetcar.
My crazy idea is that this guy & other real men like him should model men’s clothing. Are they not the epitome of masculinity? Who’d you rather see strutting in skin-tight Levis, this guy or the cover boy from last month’s Abercrombie & bitch catalogue?
Well I couldn’t get it together. Was so focused on not wanting to look fat I ended up in a hideous outfit with mismatched jewelry to go to lunch with the girls. Hating my body & lack of fashion sense as soon as I saw Lauren’s maxi dress, I decided I may as well hate her too. It’s hot as a crotch in brooklyn & I (still) haven’t reached my goal weight 😫 . I silently raged all through lunch & refused to join the girls for an afternoon movie, choosing instead to go straight home.
Home, I went in the bedroom & threw off my outfit, planning to burn it. He was supposed to be working a photo shoot, so I was surprised when he came in the bedroom with his camera. “The flaky model pulled a no show.”. He said. “So I’ll shoot you instead,” he grinned.
“I’m fat as fuck,” I said, flopping down on the bed.
“But you’re MY fuck,” he said, “mine to command. And I want you to pose for me.”
He put some music on & focused the camera. “You’re going to pose for me until you feel pretty.”
“And that, ladies & gentlemen,” he told the art gallery crowd gathered in front of a nude picture of me, “is how I got this shot”.
I’ve been saying (usually after I look at the macys catalogue) that when I shop for plus size clothes, I don’t want to see a size 00 model wearing them. tI want o see a full-figured woman (with a tummy) to give me some idea of what I might look like in the clothes.
1. What three things do you expect from a relationship with a lover/spouse?
-support (emotionally, physically)
-honesty “honey, your mother is bat shit insane” (not news to me) or “too much makeup, you’re tstartingto look like a drag queen”. Having grown up in a household where lies, betrayals, secrecy, & goddamn silence were practiced (and having never known what was going on in that house) I need someone who just says it
-sense of humor
2. What three things do you expect from a relationship with your child?
The family I come from, I think not having children is a way to end the cycle of physical & sexual abuse. So I don’t expect to have children.
3. How do you mend a broken heart?
You can glue a broken vase, but you’ll still see the crack. You can sew it up but you’ll still see the tear. In the old days, I’d have a swig of scotch, pretend I wasn’t broken, & keep right on going. No more.
4. What is your favorite therapy (remedial treatment of a mental or bodily disorder)?
Well I don’t drink, smoke, or over eat anymore. I don’t even shop. So Google “therapy spanking” and that’s how I decompress.
5. Who in your life has an annoying habit? How do you deal with this?
My mother doesn’t understand boundaries. This annoys me to no end, as she’ll tell me what to wear, who I can associate with. She has followed me to job interviews, told me whether or not it’s appropriate to let a man try to kiss me on a first date.
Truth be told, my mother is a large part of why I’m in therapy & on prozac
6. In five words, describe yourself. You cannot use the following words: funny, fun, nice, kind, responsible.
Narcissistic, depressed, resistant, entertaining, lazy