mommy dearest. Your narcissistic borderline personality is showing. Of your three grown children, I’m the only one who emailed you the pictures of your grandchildren from Easter. And after I transferred all 48 pictures from the camera’s memory card to the computer & sent them, you bitched that I “can’t do anything right” because you thought I didn’t send you ALL the pictures (when really the problem was you didn’t realize you had to scroll down to actually SEE them all).
I’m also the one who installs the updates on your iPhone (fuck, I got you the iPhone); I spent forty minutes explaining that you can’t send a text message to your hair stylist’s landline phone (or any other landline phone, for that matter). You want to go shopping, it’s me who goes with you, not either of your other daughters.
You’re either putting me down or making me your sidekick. Or maybe you keep putting me down BECAUSE you need someone to be your sidekick, to drop everything and run to Roosevelt Field mall with you. The fact that I have my own life, my own shit to do, inconveniences and enrages you.
Tell me, what would you do if I went to Penn Station & got on an Amtrack train and just went…Arizona, Colorado, anywhere really. Because the thing is I could live without you. Hell, it would be a nice change with no you squawking about how I can’t do anything right AND SIMULTANEOUSLY asking me to help you put a new contact in your cell phone. But you, you’d shrivel up without me, see, because you’d have nobody else. So remember that the next time you’re getting ready to tell me I can’t do anything right.