Day 4–Write about one thing you need to forgive yourself for, and then forgive myself.
So many transgressions I’ve committed (I won’t say “sins”) because that’s a word organized religion invented to make people feel guilty about having done things that feel good while we’re doing them.
But I need to forgive myself for having betrayed a woman. I betrayed her (without ever having met her) by sleeping with her husband from 2010-2012, all the while KNOWING HE WAS A MARRIED MAN and that’s not ok. I was an active alcoholic, I suffered from untreated depression & low self esteem at the time, but that doesn’t make it any less my fault. Sure, a married man stepped outside his marriage and came looking for someone else, but I never said “This isn’t right…go home to your wife,” until I got sober. And even when I did get sober, I didn’t stop seeing him because he was married, I stopped seeing him because he was abusive and, once sober (and in treatment for depression) I decided that I like myself too much to stay in an abusive relationship. I didn’t decide it was wrong to betray another woman.
But it is, it is completely wrong to betray someone by sleeping with their partner. I’ve always known that, but now, as a sober woman, I’m very careful about what I do and who I talk to. I find out a man is in any kind of a monogamous relationship and that man automatically becomes off-limits to me.
I don’t ever want to be the thing that wrecks someone else’s marriage. I don’t need a jealous/angry girlfriend shouting “Homewrecker, how could you,” into my face. The next time a man steps outside his relationship to look for something else and finds me, I’m sending him right back where he came from. I can’t undo what I did between 2-5 years ago, but I won’t do it again.
I forgive myself for having slept with another woman’s husband, though. It was a shitty thing to do, but that was kinda my life at the time…all I did was shitty things, all I made were bad decisions. I forgive myself not because I think I’ve become such a wonderful person, but rather because I know forgiveness is necessary for me to move on with my life.