Day 20: Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to changes in your feelings or circumstances?
Ohhhhhhh yes. I USED TO be submissive to a so-called Daddy Dom who would keep hitting me with the cane after I safe worded out; who would rent a nice, romantic room (supposedly for THE TWO OF US) tie me to the bed (which I like) and then when I was good and helpless, open the door and usher in a slew of other men, men I didn’t consent to fucking, usually because he owed gambling debts to them or they’d done repairs on his home and rather than pay in money, he let them have me instead (because he was a cheap sonofabitch).
I was never OK with this violating of hard limits, with him tying me to the bed and then bringing in men I didn’t consent to…But I was an overweight alcoholic with low self-esteem and depression, so I thought that guy was the best I could do. Well, my circumstances changed…I got sober, I started therapy for depression and the self-esteem issues (among other things) and the more sane I became, the more “time” in recovery I put together, the more I realized that, while I still want very much to submit, I didn’t want to submit to the cheap bastard I’d been submitting to.
So I gave him his collar back. He was kind of surprised, and at first he thought he could take the cane and beat me into putting the collar back on and kneeling for him again, but I wasn’t having it. Once I told him I’d gotten sober, and started going to a shrink, he realized I wouldn’t be as weak and easy to manipulate as I had been, and I guess that wasn’t fun for him, so he put the cane down and I walked out. I don’t know what he’s up to these days, as that was a little over three years ago.