In My Life

https://youtu.be/Z7sXC70jl1k

I’ve no idea what Lauri Ylonen was thinking when he wrote these lyrics, but for me, this song is about the drinking habit (OK, it was more like a drinking obsession) that nearly killed me.  While the lyrics don’t specifically mention booze or drugs, that line

It’s up to you if you wanna give it up

And

Every time you died you been given another chance to fix your bad attitude

certainly resonate with me…every time I drank myself into a blackout of a stupor, I might as well HAVE died, and every time I (miraculously) woke up from that, I was given another chance to fix, to correct, the negative thinking that caused me to drink like that in the first place, only I never did.

Until that time, three years ago, when I went on a three day bender (they call it a bender because you get bent, just all out of shape, mentally and physically) that started with a morning bottle of gin & ended with a fall, blood everywhere, me confessing to my parents that I’d been raped as a child, a frantic hospital visit, a doctor saying, “Lady, do you know your blood alcohol level is three times the legal limit?!” and me being dragged, against my will, to my first twelve step meeting.  Not that I fixed my bad attitude by going to that one meeting.  I still HAVE TO go to meetings, I’m still in therapy, I still can’t drink.  I still have to work to fight the negative thoughts, and sometimes that work is harder than other times.

But yeah, I get to choose how I live, who I love, and yeah, I feel strong, and FUCK YEAH, that turns me on.

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