Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
Well alright, I’m into DD/lg and some people, upon hearing that, immediately say,
Oh, she has Daddy issues
As if having an absent or distant father is what makes a woman seek out kink/BDSM. In truth, my father was neither absent nor distant during my childhood. What did happen is my maternal grandfather (my mother’s father, for those of you who can’t follow the family tree) was a man in a very old-world, nasty sense of the word. He thought he was entitled to have (in a sexual way) anything and everything, including ten year old me, which is what he did, for an entire summer…that’s what I did the summer between fourth and fifth grades, I was the thing my grandfather fucked. My father was the guy who sat on the Barcalounger and watched while my mother beat me (and my sisters), while she took money from her own father, as though he, and not my father, were the man of our house. My father was the “bitch with no balls” according to my mother, and YES, she routinely struck him in front of me and my sisters.
Those two extremes, my mother’s father and my own father, were the shining examples of manhood and masculinity I grew up with. And I wasn’t happy or satisfied with either one. So in my romantic relationships, I seek out the paternal figure I didn’t have in real life…someone who is strong, protective of me, a gentleman, loving. It’s always been this way with me, even before I knew the term “DD/lg”.