This is where you went wrong

Flickr / Jason PriemI was sitting on a mattress on the floor of a hostel in Pāhoa, a small town on the Big Island of Hawaii, when I remembered I’m a woman. The air was thick and wet and wrapped around me like cellophane; the sheets were damp and smelled like patchouli; there were oil…

You Begin To Understand The Difficulties Of Being A Woman When Traveling Alone

Your problem is you waited until you were in the hostel bedroom with the older men whose eyes were red & rancid to remember that you’re a woman.  What did you think you were when you were sharing a drink with them, agreeing to move to China with them, and letting them touch your feet?  Or were you too drunk to care?  Me, I freely admit I’ve been too drunk to care, with men whose eyes were red & rancid, and more times than I care to admit.  When I was drunk like that I didn’t need to be in some Hawaiian hippie town to let men use me, I let men use me right here in my hometown.  

You don’t like having that moment of clarity where you find yourself in that situation & don’t like what you’ve become, don’t pretend it’s because “being a woman is dificult”, admit that it’s because you need to be more sober in your life and make better decisions.  My moment of clarity came when I almost didn’t wake up from a three day drinking binge, and believe you me I didn’t like who I was that morning in the hospital with people asking if I drank that much to purposely try to off myself, with everybody getting an eye full of the bruises my then-boyfriend had planted all over me.  That was two & a half years ago and I got sober, you can do the same and I promise you your travels will never include hostel bedrooms with strange men.

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