I must admit that there was no one moment in my life where I said, “Well I want to be a submissive,” or “I guess I am a submissive,” and then set out to learn or train how to better do that. Oh, I know there are some in the BDSM lifestyle who have been formally mentored and speak very fondly of the one who personally mentored them. The Old Guard Masters, in particular, place high value on having been mentored, having a mentor, and that sort of thing. And please don’t misunderstand me…I don’t mean to knock having a mentor, having been mentored, or anything. If you have a mentor, or if you are a mentor, and consider the mentor/protege relationship a wonderful experience, that’s just great.
All I mean is to say that particular experience has never been a part of my personal life. I found myself gravitating towards BDSM (specifically the DD/lg dynamic) before I even knew what BDSM was. Had someone said to me when I was age seventeen, “Hey, you’re into S/M,” I would’ve vehemently denied it, saying, “Noooooooo, I don’t wear a leather catsuit and thigh high boots, I don’t hit anyone with a whip…I just like to call my male partner Daddy and act the role of a young child, with all the wide-eyed innocence that goes with it. I like when ‘Daddy’ spanks me, gives me corner time, etc.” Now, at thirty-seven, I realize that calling my male partner Daddy and enjoying being spanked and given corner time is a flavor of BDSM.
Now, the fact that I have no mentor doesn’t mean I learned nothing. I mean, I’ve lived, had experiences, and I also read, see films, use the internet as a resource. When I was sixteen, my parents forbade me to watch the movie Body of Evidence, which starred Madonna as a kinkster who murdered her lover and got away with it. Along with my then-seventeen year old cousin, I waited until my parents were in bed, then snuck down to the basement and watched the film. More because I wanted to know WHY they forbade me from seeing it than because I actually wanted to see it, but anyway. That film was the first time I saw wax play being done, and it interested me. After that I wanted to know WHY some people used wax play as part of the sexual experience. I was twenty-two before I personally experienced wax play, and when I did I found out that it’s not my thing, but I never would’ve thought to try it had I not seen it in the film. Let’s just say some things look great, look really sexy and sensual on film, but they feel and are awkward and nerve-wracking in real life…Or maybe real life just isn’t a film, whatever. Either way, I’m glad I had my mind opened to new ideas.